Negotiation and mediation are ways of resolving disputes, without going to court or taking other steps that might make it difficult to continue to live near each other.
What is negotiation?
Negotiation is talking about the problem with your neighbour, and trying to find a good outcome for both of you. Negotiation can be in a meeting, on the telephone or in a letter. For disputes between neighbours, a meeting is usually best. It can be hard to set up. How to do this depends on the individual situation, but possibilities may include:
- If you are on generally friendly terms, ask your neighbour in for tea or coffee.
- If you don't know or don't trust your neighbour, use a neutral venue. This might be a place that you can both go, like a pub, café, gym or community centre. Make sure that you meet at a place where you are both safe and comfortable.
- Your housing officer or estate manager may be happy to set up a meeting if you are council or housing association tenants or leaseholders.
- Ask a neutral person like a neighbour or community leader to set up a meeting.
- Ask an adviser, or a solicitor, surveyor or architect (if you have one), or Citizens Advice, to try to set up a meeting.
You could have a friend or adviser at the meeting, but make sure that you tell your neighbour in advance, so that s/he can bring someone too. Or you could both agree on a neutral person to be present. Prepare for the meeting by writing down what you want to say and what you want to achieve. Preferably discuss this with a friend or adviser. Allow enough time for the meeting. You may need to meet again at a later date to review progress.
You can negotiate by letter, email or telephone, if both sides are happy to deal with the problem in the same way. And remember to keep things calm - this is especially important with email where it is easy to reply without thinking about what you've written.
If you are talking about legal rights, like the position of a boundary, make sure that you say that the negotiations are 'without prejudice'. That way, neither side can use what is said against the other person if you end up going to court, unless an agreement is reached.
If anything is agreed, write it down, and preferably get your neighbour to sign it - even if you only agree to find out something and then meet again. But don't sign something that you don't want to agree.
If negotiation leads to an agreement, that is the end of your dispute. You can't re-open it later. But if there is no agreement, then you'll need to try something else.
What is mediation?
Mediation is a form of negotiation where a neutral mediator helps the two sides to come to an agreement. It is important to understand that the mediator can't force either side to agree. Mediation usually happens at one or more fixed time sessions. What happens at the mediation is confidential to the parties in dispute.
You need to decide what kind of mediator you need. Some councils and housing associations provide free mediation services to their tenants.
If you have a complicated or high value dispute, you need a mediator who has trained as a mediator and who also has a professional qualification, for example a solicitor or surveyor. The other disputing party may be part of a mediation scheme, which you can use if you want to. Or you can find a suitable mediator at reasonable cost from:
- Leasehold Advisory Service (LEASE), for disputes with freeholders
- Inter Medial Directory or CEDR Solve, for other disputes.
If you have a straightforward dispute with a neighbour you need a mediator who is trained but does not necessarily have a professional qualification. To get a suitable mediator, ask the council or a local advice agency. Use our directory to find one.
If you are in dispute with someone in your community, there may be a community or religious leader who is willing to act as informal mediator. Make sure that s/he understands what you want, and that the choice is acceptable to both sides.
Think about taking a friend to help you. Prepare what you want to say before hand. This is not the time to go through your whole case. You are trying to reach an outcome that is acceptable to both sides. You may have to accept less than you want, so think about what is vital to you and what is not. If you are unsure what you should insist on, get advice from a solicitor or Citizens Advice.
If the mediation reaches an agreement, that is the end of your dispute. You can't re-open it later. But if there is no agreement, then you'll need to try something else.
When to use negotiation or mediation
If you are in a dispute with a neighbour, it is easy to let things spiral out of control until it becomes impossible for you to have any kind of relationship. It is almost always better to take early steps to try to solve the problem before it overwhelms both of you. People have been murdered over minor problems like a garden hedge. Every day people are evicted or go to prison because they have treated their neighbours badly. Whether you feel that you are being wholly reasonable, or you accept that you are partly to blame, you need to try to resolve the problem.
When not to use negotiation or mediation
There are some arguments that you shouldn't try to resolve by negotiation or mediation, for example:
- Before the problem has been reported, for example to your landlord. You may have noticed something that needs dealing with, such as something needing repair, noise or antisocial behaviour. Report it now but be sure to allow time for things to be sorted out.
- Serious injury or a large claim for money - you should get advice from a solicitor about bringing a claim for compensation.
- Serious crime, for example, a theft or violent assault.
- Where there is already a court case about the other person's behaviour. Talk to your adviser or your landlord if you think that your problems could be resolved separately.
- A dispute where you have already tried negotiation or mediation unsuccessfully - unless there are good reasons why it will work this time.
Points to remember in negotiation and mediation
When you are trying to negotiate or mediate, you need to bear these points in mind:
- Don't raise irrelevant or personal issues. Concentrate on solving problems.
- Always listen to what the other person has to say. It is polite, and will encourage them to listen to you.
- Don't be angry. Violence, threats and abuse will only make things worse.
- Be prepared to accept your own mistakes. Perhaps you have played your music too loud, or maybe your bike is a nuisance in the hall.
- Be creative. You are trying to find solutions. Perhaps carpeting a flat would reduce noise; perhaps training classes would help with a dog problem.
- You may need to compromise on some of what you want. Think it through beforehand, or talk through with a friend or an adviser. What is negotiable and what is not? Don't agree anything that you won't be able to live with, and try to keep the agreement balanced and fair.
- Ask a friend or adviser to help you prepare, and maybe come to meetings.
- If you are both tenants, think about involving your landlord. Perhaps the landlord can help, for example with sound insulation. Some councils and housing associations have free mediation services for their tenants.
- If there are several problems, be prepared to agree solutions to some of them and leave some for another time.
